14 May 2014 No Comments
Losing a close relative has been tough. Many people don’t do grief after a couple of days, certainly not after a couple of weeks – or they have simply made their peace with the death situation, so I guess the 5 steps of grief don’t apply to them. Either way, they are inclined to assume that it’s the same with others, and that’s certainly not the case.
What I hate most is the, supposedly relevant, wishes for a long life to the ones still alive and being well to remember the person that died. They are silly and even irritating wishes. Obviously we would like the person that died to be here with us and live with us and we don’t want to just remember them, we want to share our moments with them and create common memories. These wishes simply remind us that we cannot do any of these things.
People tend to forget that there is always the option of shutting up and saying nothing. What happened to just being there? You don’t have to do or say anything, just be present, available, willing to help – acknowledging there is probably nothing you can actually do about the situation. But still, being there could matter.
Because you really don’t have to say anything… Nothing you say or do can change the fact that a beloved person died. A hug could help, though.
Well not actually help, in the essence of changing the facts, but possibly have a positive impact from a psychological aspect.
And on a side note, if you really want to be there for someone who is grieving, go get them their groceries, and do their dishes. Seriously.