20 Jun 2015 No Comments
Intention equals words. Not actions. That should pretty much sum it up!
Intention of doing something is not enough. It’s arguably important but very far from enough.
Actions, now that’s something worth considering that it may possibly potentially be a tiny bit of enough.
The intention of being there for someone on its own, does not make you be there for that person. It does not make that person benefit from your intentions in any possible way. It’s just talking words, typing sentences.
It actually makes no sense saying to someone you want to be there for him/her. If you want to be there for someone, go there and be with him or with her. Don’t just say it, as if it makes any difference at all.
Because knowing what to say and knowing what to do are 2 very very different things. And we are so scared that maybe what we know is not good enough, that we hold back from actions. We are so reserved that our actions may be rejected that we don’t even try, we don’t even put ourselves out there. And it’s true that our actions are motivated by our own experience and definitely our own feelings. But it goes without saying that not everyone feels the same way about a situation, not everyone addresses a problem the same way. Because everyone is different and unique. So every reaction of every human is different and unique.
On the other hand, you cannot reject, the thing you do not know. Had you never feel loved, you can never trully say you don’t need someone to love you, but at the same time you can never ask for it, because you simply do not know what ‘it’ stands for… You don’t know what to ask for, because you have no experience of it, you have no words to describe it, and even though you may unconsciously feel it, but you can never express yourself and ask for it.
So maybe we need to “impose” ourselves on others, until they feel what we have to give, so that they can consciously reject it (or not). No more fear. People don’t always know what they need, or want, in any particular moment.
And some others might have a lot to give, but no suitable recipient for it (or at least, some of it).
Words ain’t enough, words can be misunderstood, words can be mistranslated, words can lose their meaning if you have 1000 things in your mind which you are trying to sum up with in just a couple of words like “I’m here for you”, “What do you need?”, “What can I do for you?”. What are the chances that the person receiving those questions from you, actually realizes all the other 1000 things you have in mind and so much would like to speak out but it’s not the place or the time – and it’s probably never gonna be the time because well, rejection fear.
So, no, intention is not enough, it’s in fact very far from enough. You can act even if you didn’t intend to, and that can be half-enough. Because enough is hard to reach on its whole.
So don’t feel loved by those who know how to use nice words, words are easy, and most important words can be spoken out of a transcript. Actions can’t, not when they are truly unconditionally genuine. When you face a difficult situation, actions are bound to be unprompted.
Don’t appreciate the ones that give big promises. But perhaps you should try and take them up on their offer, regardless of the times you have been let down by people, perhaps you will find some others who are actually willing to make their promises actionable. The ones that can just be there for you. For no particular reason and surely for no particular gain. Maybe for some extra pain. But maybe they don’t mind.
Maybe someone can be there for you. Just maybe. But is that ‘maybe’ enough for you to give people a chance?