Όταν μιλάμε… Θέλω να σε κοιτάω στα μάτια!

Για να σε διαβάζω. Να σε ανακαλύππτω. Να σε εξερευνώ. Μέχρι το πιο βαθύ σου συναίσθημα.

 

Για να ανακαλύψω τις αλήθειες σου, τους φόβους σου, τα θέλω σου.

 

Κάποιοι φοβούνται το εξερευνητικό μου βλέμμα. Πολύ. Εσύ συνεχίζεις να με καλωσορίζεις κοιτώντας με κατάματα.

Δε με φοβάσαι. Ή ίσως πιστεύεις ότι κι εγώ, όπως τόσοι άλλοι, δεν μπορώ να σε νιώσω.

Ίσως και να έχεις δίκιο. Ίσως και απλά να κάνεις λάθος – έτσι σαν μια εξαίρεση στον κανόνα, διότι τίποτα δε θα είναι ίδιο πια.

 

Κι εγώ όμως είμαι διαφορετική. Μαζί σου. Δε θέλω να γράφουμε, θέλω να σε αγγίζω όταν μου μιλάς.

Γιατί όταν μιλάς είσαι εκεί και δίνεις ένα κομμάτι σου. Και το λατρεύω αυτό.

 

Όταν μιλάμε θέλω να σε κοιτάω στα μάτια, διότι οι λέξεις σου με οδηγούν στην καρδιά σου κι εκεί νιώθω όλα αυτά που έχεις νιώσει.

Την ευτυχία και την προδοσία, τον πόνο και την προσπάθεια, τα δυνατά θέλω και τη δύναμη που χρειάζονται για να πραγματοποιηθούν.

 

Look into my eyes, and you’ll find the truth.

Trust your instincts.

And you will always know,

which way to go.

Which path to take,

for your desire to prevail.

 

#SoulNeverLies

Το άλλο μισό είναι στ’ αλήθεια ολόκληρο

Αυτό μου θυμίζεις.

Η σκέψη σου επισκιάζει τα πρέπει και τη λογική γιατί είσαι αυτός που μου δίνει τροφή για σκέψη και μπορεί να κάνει τις δύσκολες ερωτήσεις και να πει τις δύσκολες απαντήσεις. Και που δίνει χώρο στα θετικά αποτελέσματα αντί της μιζέριας που τώρα τελευταία κυριαρχεί. Μέσα από τη δυσκολία της ανάγκης, ίσως, και που, ίσως, έγινε στην πορεία επιλογή (επειδή αξίζει?)

Αναρωτιέμαι πώς θα καταλήξει κι αν, όπως φαίνεται να είναι αναμενόμενο, θα μπλέξουμε.

Διότι αν μη τι άλλο φαίνεται να αξίζει τόσο. Φαίνεσαι εσύ να αξίζεις τόσο.

Με τον δικό σου μοναδικό τρόπο που ίσως κάποιοι να μη βλέπουν και πολλοί να μην καταλαβαίνουν. Καθώς η άγνοιά τους στέκεται εμπόδιο στο συνάισθημά τους. Δεν ξέρουν τι κρύβεται από πίσω, αν πονάς όταν μένεις μόνος ή αν το μοναδικό σου χαμόγελο έχει προδοθεί και ακόμα προσπαθεί.

Δεν είμαι καν σίγουρη τι είναι αυτό που μου έκανε το κλικ. Αναρωτήθηκα αν ήταν απλά μια πολύ καλή τεχνική προσέγγισης ανθρώπων αυτό που με μαγνήτισε – από την πρώτη στιγμή.

Ή αν απλά βρισκόμαστε μέσα σε ένα πολύ καλά συγχρονισμένο μαγνητικό πεδίο αποτελούμενο από τον καθένα μας ξεχωριστά το οποίο σε σημεία τέμνεται και αναμιγνύεται και γίνεται ένα κοινό. Σε αγγίζει όπως θα ήθελα εγώ να σε αγγίξω, σε αγκαλιάζει όσο σφιχτά θα ήθελα να με κρατήσεις – για λίγο ακόμα.

 

Ηλεκτρίζει η χημεία; Το επίκεντρο της συγκέντρωσης;

Είναι μόνο το 1/3 της εξίσωσης για τη διεκδίκηση μιας γυναίκας από έναν άντρα – θα μείνει άραγε μόνο αυτό;  

 

Κι όταν η χημεία δεν έιναι αρκετή… then what?

 

#YouInspireMe

Κανείς δεν ήξερε πριν μάθει.

Κανείς δεν έμαθε πριν ψάξει.

#JustDoIt #DoItToday #NoDelaysNoProcrastination #JustShowUp

 

 

Τη στιγμή που μου έμαθες κάτι,

μου το έδωσες.

Κι έτσι έγινε πια δικό μου.

Ο αγχωτικός και η θέλω-κι-άλλο

 

 

Είναι που είνια αγχωτικός αυτός. Είναι κι αυτή multitasker.

Αυτή τον σπρώχνει κι αυτός σπρώχνεται αντί να χαλαρώνει – κι εγώ βγήκα λίγο κι απ’ τα δυο!

– Και έτσι, τρέχουν όλα δίχως να ξέρους γιατί ή κυρίως προς τα πού! –

Αυτός βρήκε κάποια να του δίνει πράγματα να κάνει – όταν κι αν αποφασίζει να σταματήσει να κάνει τα δικά του. Μια καινούργια μαμά να του πει τι άλλο έχει να συμμαζέψει ή να πάει να της φέρει. Αν κι αυτή το κάνει πιο γλυκά και τα πράγματα έχουν περισσότερο ενδιαφέρον.

Αυτός αγχωτικός και πολυάσχολος. Super achiever – θέλει να τα κατορθώνει όλα στο μέγιστο – και απλά ο καλύτερος.

Craving, really, for some mental serenity

Λαχταρά, στην πραγματικότητα, μικρές στιγμές ηρεμίας. Κάνοντας απολύτως τίποτα. Αν βλέπαμε το μικρό παιδάκι μέσα του σίγουρα θα ούρλιαζε για να ικανοποιήσει τον πόθο του για λίγο ζεν.

 

– Μια ανάγκη που ποτέ δεν κατάφερε να εκφράσει. Ούτε στον εαυτό του.

Μια ανάγκη που του κάνει να φαίνετια αδύναμος και όχι αρκετά καλός – οπότε ούτε και θα την εκφράσει ποτέ (?).

 

Αυτή βαριέται και θέλει να κάνει πράγματα. Να βγει, να διασκεδάσει. Το άγχος δεν την κουράζει – είναι λες και δεν την αγγίζει. Θέλει ποτό μετά τη δουλειά. Και θα σου κάνει κι έρωτα μέχρι το πρωί μετά το ποτό, τη μουσική και τη διασκέδαση. Ακούγεται σχεδόν εξουθενωτικό Και το πρωί ίσως χρειαστεί μια κούπα καφέ πριν ακόμα φύγει από το σπίτι. Ίσως και όχι πάλι.

Γιατι είναι πάλι έτοιμη για δράση και πράγματα να κάνει. Θα κουραστεί αλλά όταν πει ώρα χαλάρωσης – και θα το πει γιατί δε φοβάται να το εκφράσει – και θα το εννοεί, τότε θα θέλει να τον τραβήξει κι αυτόν μαζί της. Να νιώσουν μαζί τις απόλυτες στιγμές του τίποτα.

 

Μαζί με τονν αγχωτικό πολυάσχολο που τη Δευτέρα έχει να κλείσει άλλες 3 συμφωνίες πριν ακόμα η μέρα του ξεκινήσει!

Χα! Good luck syncing that!

 

Αυτός ανάγκη για πνευματική διαύγεια. Ψυχολογικό κενό για να ξαλαφρώσει.

Λίγο διαλογισμό και ζεν.

 

Αυτή απλά να κάνουν πράγματα σε άλλο τοπίο με άλλες ζωγραφιές και άλλα πρόσωπα!

…ίσως και με ζώα…

 

 

Ερώτηση:

Συμβολίζουν οι χαρακτήρες ανθρώπους μέσα από τη ζωή σου;

A great oSC17

A conference with great content, and awesome people.

oSC17 is barely over, and my thoughts are already jumping around to the next one! There was some great content, and interesting workshops given. The SUSE academic program was announced, and explained, to the community, while packaging workshops were teaching us the beauty of packaging.

Hernan Schmidt gave a usability presentation which I particularly liked. It was an exemplary presentation, with the right flow, and content.

Again I had the pleasure of being able to volunteer and help out. Along with friends and great volunteers we ran the registration desk – which got insanely crowded on Friday morning; there was some delay there, sorry all, we should do something about it next year!

All this year’s GSoC OSEM Mentors were there, so we had a little meeting of our own, along with our 2 GSoC students, Nasia & Antonis, to discuss some pending items prior to GSoC coding period officially beginning. Still some more on our bucket list though – so we are looking forward for the next opportunity to meet up. Sadly the other GSoC students could not make it to the conference, which is a pity, but we are looking forward to meeting with them as soon as possible!

 

Another great openSUSE conference is over.

So many new things, beautiful experience, more knowledge

oSC16 & HACKWEEK14

It has been an awesome time of 2 weeks that went by so quickly: inspiring, fullfilling, just amazing!
Thanks to all the awesome people in Nuremberg!

First #oSC16 (22-26 June) has been a source of inspiration through the talks presented as well as the people there. Amazing initiatives took place, literally shaping the future of open source through young kids’ involvement. CoderDojo sessions were just what the young generation needs to learn, get involved, and discover the beauty of creating with linux. We don’t need to reach university to start exploring possibilities!
You think 7-15 years old is too young? Think again! German high schools have initiatives about short internships (1-2 weeks) for 14-year-olds. I might have been hesitant before, but I had the pleasure of getting to know a kid that did that at SUSE and despite of the young age he has been amazing at learning what goes around, being interested, being involved in so many different aspects of linux, open source, the conference itself, coding, video recording, you name it and he did it during those 2 weeks! Such a great source of information and mostly hands-on experience.

Volunteering means I get to meet so many interesting people, and this time there were particularly helpful volunteers who went above and beyond to help out, make things happen, solve any issues that came their way, and offer the most pleasant welcoming to visitors of oSC16 as they went past the registration desk 🙂
A BIG THANK YOU goes to all of you for being there!

Coordinating volunteers at oSC16 did not exactly allow me to attend that many talks – but that’s just part of the beauty!
I did make it to some really interesting ones though.

I wish I had that kind of structured information on how to pitch open source to schools and universities a few years back! A very insightful talk by Emiel Brok on how to bring linux to schools with specific structured course of action. I hope there is gonna be more of that in the next conferences!

I always get to see old friends and meet new people at conferences, but this time I am super happy, as in addition to that we had the pleasure to meet in person with many openSUSE GSOC students who attended openSUSE Conference. It is so nice to put real faces to nicknames 🙂

And then after this awesome week of conference, came #HACKWEEK at SUSE office.

A very productive week, coding with friends. I love the kind of cooperation and communication we get for our project, OSEM, during HACKWEEKs, where we are all present. It is a unique opportunity and I am always so much looking forward to doing it again. This time I am double happy as we had even more people that joined us: new friends, new developers for OSEM!

This time the project we worked on was tricky. We are refactoring Questions in OSEM and implementing a survey with custom questions (to be added by organizers) that can be attached to visitors’ registration or after the conference is over (for feedback). We have stumbled upon some difficulties but we are (still) working on it, and we hope we will have it finalized sooner than later!

 
oSC16 & HACKWEEK14 @ SUSE:
Meeting so many interesting people, having such a good time!
Happy to have joined! Sad it is over!

Aegean in-flight review

 

Flight A3 120 ATH->SKG, seat 4F, 1 Nov 2015 18:00

Getting a glass of water prior to take off shouldn’t be that hard. But most important flight attendants should be a bit more helpful to passengers.

I asked for 1 glass of water when I entered the aircraft, there were 2 flight attendants at the entrance, one of which was the one who made all the announcements later on. (Surprisingly none of them had a name tag for the whole duration of the flight!!!)I am a gold star alliance member, so I was one of the very first passengers on board. I was told that I will get it “as soon as possible”. I was sitting in 4F, the 2 flight attendants could even see me from where they were standing (at the entrance of the aircraft, welcoming the passengers). I never got that glass of water, even though the boarding was very smooth and we had to wait for a few minutes before the aircraft could move to take off position.

I had to ask another flight attendant, the one who was offering us candies, for the water. Which, by the way, she did bring to me immediately, and then continued with the candies. That was Miss/Mrs D. and she was not only polite but elegantly fast in her service too.

 

Flight A3 105 SKG->ATH, seat 5F, 30 Oct 2015, 8:25

We were not offered candies, only Business Class got them! Why Aegean?!

How intention is not enough

Intention equals words. Not actions. That should pretty much sum it up!

Intention of doing something is not enough. It’s arguably important but very far from enough.

Actions, now that’s something worth considering that it may possibly potentially be a tiny bit of enough.

The intention of being there for someone on its own, does not make you be there for that person. It does not make that person benefit from your intentions in any possible way. It’s just talking words, typing sentences.

It actually makes no sense saying to someone you want to be there for him/her. If you want to be there for someone, go there and be with him or with her. Don’t just say it, as if it makes any difference at all.

Because knowing what to say and knowing what to do are 2 very very different things. And we are so scared that maybe what we know is not good enough, that we hold back from actions. We are so reserved that our actions may be rejected that we don’t even try, we don’t even put ourselves out there. And it’s true that our actions are motivated by our own experience and definitely our own feelings. But it goes without saying that not everyone feels the same way about a situation, not everyone addresses a problem the same way. Because everyone is different and unique. So every reaction of every human is different and unique.

On the other hand, you cannot reject, the thing you do not know. Had you never feel loved, you can never trully say you don’t need someone to love you, but at the same time you can never ask for it, because you simply do not know what ‘it’ stands for… You don’t know what to ask for, because you have no experience of it, you have no words to describe it, and even though you may unconsciously feel it, but you can never express yourself and ask for it.

So maybe we need to “impose” ourselves on others, until they feel what we have to give, so that they can consciously reject it (or not). No more fear. People don’t always know what they need, or want, in any particular moment.

And some others might have a lot to give, but no suitable recipient for it (or at least, some of it).

Words ain’t enough, words can be misunderstood, words can be mistranslated, words can lose their meaning if you have 1000 things in your mind which you are trying to sum up with in just a couple of words like “I’m here for you”, “What do you need?”, “What can I do for you?”. What are the chances that the person receiving those questions from you, actually realizes all the other 1000 things you have in mind and so much would like to speak out but it’s not the place or the time – and it’s probably never gonna be the time because well, rejection fear.

So, no, intention is not enough, it’s in fact very far from enough. You can act even if you didn’t intend to, and that can be half-enough. Because enough is hard to reach on its whole.

So don’t feel loved by those who know how to use nice words, words are easy, and most important words can be spoken out of a transcript. Actions can’t, not when they are truly unconditionally genuine. When you face a difficult situation, actions are bound to be unprompted.

Don’t appreciate the ones that give big promises. But perhaps you should try and take them up on their offer, regardless of the times you have been let down by people, perhaps you will find some others who are actually willing to make their promises actionable. The ones that can just be there for you. For no particular reason and surely for no particular gain. Maybe for some extra pain. But maybe they don’t mind.

Maybe someone can be there for you. Just maybe. But is that ‘maybe’ enough for you to give people a chance?

Our life after their death

Losing a close relative has been tough. Many people don’t do grief after a couple of days, certainly not after a couple of weeks – or they have simply made their peace with the death situation, so I guess the 5 steps of grief don’t apply to them. Either way, they are inclined to assume that it’s the same with others, and that’s certainly not the case.

What I hate most is the, supposedly relevant, wishes for a long life to the ones still alive and being well to remember the person that died. They are silly and even irritating wishes. Obviously we would like the person that died to be here with us and live with us and we don’t want to just remember them, we want to share our moments with them and create common memories. These wishes simply remind us that we cannot do any of these things.

People tend to forget that there is always the option of shutting up and saying nothing. What happened to just being there? You don’t have to do or say anything, just be present, available, willing to help – acknowledging there is probably nothing you can actually do about the situation. But still, being there could matter.

Because you really don’t have to say anything… Nothing you say or do can change the fact that a beloved person died. A hug could help, though.

Well not actually help, in the essence of changing the facts, but possibly have a positive impact from a psychological aspect.

And on a side note, if you really want to be there for someone who is grieving, go get them their groceries, and do their dishes. Seriously.